-Message from the Terrrible Author-
I was too lazy to write today, so I asked some asshole off the street to do something. He’s my new Intern. He mostly gets me lunch and cooks all my food. He may also occasionally take me out to dinner in a sad attempt to get in my pants. I’m playing hard to get. Remember ladies if he doesn’t spend at least a $1000 on you he’s not worth it.
Have you ever been doing a sick Yo-Yo trick and cracked yourself in the face? It’s a trick question of course, there’s no such thing as a sick Yo-Yo trick. Yo-Yo’s are for losers, and I only hit myself in the face one time.
I like to think if Jesus was still alive he’d have a Yo-Yo. Maybe he’d use it to smack the greedy and flip tables. Surely it must be more compact than a whip.
I wonder if Jesus bought that whip or just borrowed it. I like the idea of him perusing the best whip. Like Harry Potter in the wand shop. Best flaying in town! But I digress.
Learn to juggle. Girls still won’t find it cool, but they’ll be too distracted by your perfect face.
Oh, but learn to play the guitar first, otherwise who are you going to scare off with the juggling?
The Terrible Intern
-Notes for the Intern-
Do better next time.