-An actual message from the Terrrible Author… maybe.-
I’ve come to a conclusion. The world is simply a bag of dicks, inside another bag of dicks inside yet another bag of dicks and so on and so forth. Lots of bags of dicks. I think you get the picture. And we reside as a tiny speck inside the semen erupting from one of those dicks. Easily wiped away by a tissue. I guess what I’m getting at is that you should make sure to pleasure yourself at the very least twice a day. Especially the ladies. I can’t have you getting prostate cancer. Not on my watch. And speaking of watching. I’m going need video evidence to make sure you’re doing it right. If done properly you should reach climax somewhere between five and fifteen minutes according to what I’ve read on the internet and what I’ve experienced on my own time touching myself. That practically makes me an expert. So go ahead. Click that contact button and get a free consultation today. And remember. Think of me when you touch yourself gentlemen, and ladies. This has been a message from the Nation Masturbation Alliance of PanEurasia Nigeria Israel Scotland. Now back to your regularly scheduled Terrrible Stories.
-Based on a somewhat true story I heard from my cousin who heard it from some guy he used to hang out with until he was sent away to military school for knocking up the entire girl’s volleyball team. Which he did in a single orgy during a national championship game. That guy is a legend. Later he lost his legs in Nam, but he’s still knocking up girl’s volleyball teams to this day.-
Martyn decided to take his family to the fireworks display at the downtown park. When they arrived it wasn’t too crowded so they were able to find a nice spot by a tree. Martyn was married to Lucille. The two had three beautiful children; Xander the oldest at 18, Victor the middle child at 15, and Josie the youngest at 14. Xander was more interested in hooking up with a nice piece of ass, and wondered off to find some. Victor had his nose in a chemistry book. Josie had her drawing pad and was sketching the entire park. Martyn and Lucille sat peacefully waiting for nightfall to come and the fireworks display to begin. When it got too dark to read or draw Victor and Josie put away their distractions just in time for the fireworks to begin.
Dazzling showers of reds, blues, golds, greens, purples, and whites lit up the sky. Flowers, trees, butterflies, flags, and a coconut burned into everyone’s retinas. The entire park was awash with stupefied looks staring up at the pretty incandescence of the display. Those looks became terror when the entire ground shifted up tearing itself apart and erupting in an explosion of lava that engulfed the entire park and surrounding area.
The super massive volcano rained down massive balls of super heated rock upon the Earth, spewed billions upon billions of tons of ash into the atmosphere blocking out the sun and killing every living thing on the planet. Several hundred million years later the Earth was strip mined for resources by an alien race that spanned the known galaxy.