Answers to Your Frequently Asked Questions.

Here are twelve questions you’ve never asked, and never wanted to know the answers to anyway.

Question #1: Why did you start writing?

Bubblegum.

Question #2: Do loud noises hurt your ears?

Yes.

Question #3: Was the Moon Landing faked?

Yes. I wrote the script. “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for all mankind.” that was my line. Got you all to believe in the Moon. It’s just a cardboard cutout with a flashlight behind some guy named Gary holds up every so often to fool you guys.

Question #3: Was the Moon Landing faked?

No.

Question #4: Is it true you’re really two midgets, a broom, and a uninflated balloon in a badger costume?

No. I’m actually two brooms, a horse, four newts, 3 goldfish, and a jar pickles in a slutty nurse Halloween costume.

Question #5: How do feel about the current political climate of Alantis.

I feel there could be better representation for the undersea kelp harvesters. They unfortunately lack a strong candidate again this year, and I feel will lose the opportunity to have a voice within the council of occupations.

Question #6: What was it like when you met Jesus?

Bright.

Question #7: Who am I?

Yourself.

Question #8: What was it like stepping on that landmine in World War 2?

I was in stitches.

Question #9: Is it true that on the night of June the 23rd of May that it was indeed Colonel Mustard with the candlestick in the dining hall?

I plead the fifth.

Question #10: Will the universe implode on itself?

Yes. And your asshole is the center of it.

Question #11: Who shot JFK?

A vengeful bush. He peed on it one too many times.

Question #12: Boobs or butts?

Does it matter? Both are great. On both men and women. I’m looking at you tubbylardos. Moobs are for real men.

 

These collections all came from Timmy. I don’t know where Timmy came from or how he got in my house, but he was holding a gun so I answered the questions for him. Thanks Timmy for not killi

 

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