–Read in the voice of 40’s radio announcer–
Samuel is a slug. He loves to wear tight pants. His best friend is Craig (pronounced Crag), a bird. These two get into some crazy hijinks, like for instance last week these two went down to the local grocery story to buy some snacks. Boy are they crazy. They bought some cheezy poofs, tortilla chips, salsa, a thermonuclear warhead, some chocolate candy bars, and a couple gallons of soda. Those snacks were for a party the two of them were throwing at Sam’s house, a mansion in space. This party was off the hook. The greatest band in the galaxy was playing, *, and oh man are they amazing. I’d describe how awesome that concert was, but I blacked out around their 300th song and didn’t wake up for six weeks.
Enough about me, lets get back to Samuel. You see Sam, he loved those tight pants to the point he never took them off. He technically had like 30 pairs, so it seemed he never took them off. Anyway, Samuel’s party went on for a year and half plus 30 more years. It was off the chain. I think somebody died, but the mansion was so big we weren’t sure where they died. Then again, it might have been me that died. Shit.
In memory of Tyler. He had herpes.